Tuesday, July 21, 2009

True Blood: The Biggest Sucker, Episode 5

Hey, what has it been since my last biggest sucker posting? 26 minutes ago? less? Jeez, it seems like forever ago. So it is about time I caught up with episode 5. Who was the biggest sucker? Let's read on and find out, shall we? (I am starting to think the biggest sucker is you again for reading this. Awwww, i feel sorry for myself. adorable):

Ok, so the creepy blond jesus freak finally hooked up with Jason. She gave him a handjob in the bathtub. He knew it was a bad idea, but seriously folks, what was he supposed to do? It's on her, she's the married one. This does open up a whole can of worms that is going to end badly. You can say he is a sucker for getting himself in a whole heap of trouble for an HJ, but when something like that happens you just aren't thinking about whether her husband is going to shoot you in the face with one of the bazookas in his basement. It wasn't a good move, but it doesn't make him the biggest sucker.

Is it Sookie for aggressively pursuing this vampire killer hunt even though Bill keeps on warning her about how dangerous it is, and yet she keeps diving in head first with aplomb? Actually, maybe. She never seems to care about getting hurt. She seems to think it can't happen. Like when she slapped that Aryan vampire Eric, or walked away from Bill's car in the middle of the night and then got sliced and diced by the chupacabra. She is naive, but more of a hard candy than a straight up sucker.

Is it that mind reading bellhop (those still exist?) that Sookie met at the vampire hotel who kept on blowing her off about the whole mind reading thing? Why does that make him a sucker? It doesn't, but what does is he quit his job because a guest was annoying him (Sookie). A guest that was only going to be there a couple of more days anyway. Why would someone do that? I mean, shit, call in sick until she leaves. I love it on TV shows and movies where people make extreme decisions like that because in their world an episode is an eternity, but in the real world we were really talking about him enduring a couple of times over a few days he was scheduled to work. But I guess that just makes him dumb, not a sucker.

Was it that crazy Vietnam vet dude who talks like sling blade? You know, the one that cooks in the kitchen at the only restaurant in rural Louisiana? Why? because he hooked up with Arlene, that fake red-headed waitress who is married to the guy that plays Benjamin Linus on Lost. why does that make him a sucker? Well, aside from her enormous baggage (her fiancee just murdered a bunch of people then got killed) and how annoying she is, she is mad gross. sorry. a sucker yes, but I guess he is no prize either, so not the biggest sucker.

Fine, it was Tara. I've been riding her about this whole Maryann thing for awhile, but never giving her the biggest sucker award. Now she is. Maryann took up residents at her new house, "assumed" it would be okay if she moved in, and Tara got all flustered and let her. Well, not right away, but she did after Maryann did some hocus pocus on everyone at the bar so that they were yelling at her and I guess that is enough for a fragile spirit like Tara to say, "you know, these people are yelling at me about Tabasco sauce and sidework. You know who doesn't yell at me about Tabasco sauce and sidework? That Maryann. I am going to let her move herself and her three friends into the house that ain't even mine." Yeah I get it. Sucker.

True Blood: The Biggest Sucker, Episode 4 For Real

Ok, as I am wont to do, i dropped the ball in telling you, you salivating ne'er-do-wells who I know hang on my every word, who I thought was the biggest sucker from the most recent episode of "True Blood". Having just aired episode 5, telling you about episode four is probably a bit anticlimactic. But for those of you who get nostalgic about things that happened a week ago...

Is it Steve Newlin whose wife clearly wants to cuckold him, and rumors suggest she has in the past, with Jason Stackhouse? I am particularly tickled when she left her room to come to his wearing a nightie and lingers for a few minutes making small talk before she goes back to her room. I told my wife when that happened that if we ever had a male stranger sleeping in our guest bedroom, and she left our room for a second wearing next to nothing and then came back ten minutes later I would certainly be like, "hey there honey, uh, where the fuck were you just now? I didn't hear the toilet flush, and I could actually hear you talking to that guy because it is two doors down and we as of yet have not turned our house into a sound proof recording studio." And then there would be some trouble. So i guess that douche is a pretty big sucker, but he ain't it. This week.

Is it Tara for allowing Maryann to throw a huge party at the house that she moved into a couple of hours earlier without talking to her new roommate (Sookie) first? Nah, I guess if she hasn't figured out Maryann is bad news by now she is the sucker for the season, but I can't speculate on that yet. I think things will eventually come to a head between those two.

Is it that limo driver who was sent to abduct Sookie even though her vampire protectors were like 10 feet away? The people who sent him made a sucker out of him, and Jessica made a further fool out of him by practicing her glamouring skills and making him say and do stupid shit, but he is too inconsequential to be this week's sucker. I don't even remember if he had a character name for god's sake. Although, i bet that actor was stoked when he got the gig. He TiVo'ed the shit out of it, burned it on to a bunch of DVD's and then sent it to some bigwig agents with a note attached saying, "thought you'd like to see me on last week's episode of 'True Blood'" and then some assistant thought to herself, "funny, I don't," and then threw it in the garbage.

I am going with Sam Merlotte. You want to talk about trouble, Daphne has it written all over her. Yet he's going for it. Poor sap, he is the nice guy finishing last, but why i think he is truly a sucker is he is too sheepish to ask Daphne why she has a 2 foot gash on her back. Aren't you all wondering why he hasn't mentioned it yet? I guess he doesn't want to upset her, but that thing looks fresh. I think I'd be all, "hey, are you losing blood? maybe you should get that open wound on your back stitched up. It's not that i don't think you're hot, I do, I just think you might die."

so he is headed down the wrong path, making Sam Merlotte, once again, our biggest sucker.

Almost There

I know I have been promising to announce where we are doing Nightmare this year for a very long time, and that I keep saying, "next week!" but this time that is closer to true. There are a lot of things to consider these days when doing an event that has become as high-profile as Nightmare. The decisions aren't just artistic or commercial, but regulatory as well. We need to settle on a home that is perfect creatively, in a great location, comes at or around the price we want to spend, and seems like it will pass muster with the Buildings Department. This limits your options. This does not mean that we won't be doing it at the same place we have been doing it, but there are new issues there that are in play since the last time we did it. We are mulling over our options right now, and realize that time is of the essence.

cool? So get off my back. What?

Monday, July 6, 2009

True Blood: The Biggest Sucker Episode 4


This week's biggest sucker is you for tuning in. Episode 4 airs next week. I predict Anna Paquin takes her clothes off, Tara gets sassy with someone, Sam Merlotte sounds like he is crying, and my wife still having a crush on Bill.