Tuesday, June 30, 2009

True Blood: The Biggest Sucker, episode 3

Wow, how quickly after the last one I was able to muster my third installment of The Biggest Sucker! As a reminder, I have chosen The Biggest Sucker theme because this genre, no matter the quality and artistry - and I believe this show excels at both - depends on characters doing stupid shit in order to keep things moving. It also requires a great deal of incredulity, a talent what's her face on The X-Files was able to excel week after week. Therefore, I focus on who was the biggest dupe of the week in The Biggest Sucker:

Is it Eggs who while talking to Tara in a hot tub at an increasingly hedonistic party at Maryann's is confronted by a topless sorority girl and allows her to give him a massage in front of Tara thinking it was all good? When Tara is appropriately put off by it and leaves he chases after her and is all, "what? that? who? me? seriously, you're upset by this? come on, you're trippin'!" He's a huge fool, but not a big enough sucker, so it ain't him.

Is it Lafayette who after being saved from the vampires by Bill and Sookie refuses medical treatment because he doesn't have any health insurance? Doesn't he know that you can go to the ER and they have to treat you no matter what, and after you get the bill you can just ignore it for 6 years until they privately sue you and you don't even know it until one day you go to the ATM and try to withdraw $20 from the $137 you own and you discover you are negative $4800 in your bank account? huh? Although your health is more important than money, it isn't him either.

Is it the cop, Andy Bellefleur, who sees an enormous pig hanging out at Maryann's sex party and then questions Maryann about it and then she says, "what pig?" and he says "that pig!" and turns around to show her and there is nothing there, and then she is like, "Andy honey i think you are seeing things" and he accepts that and moves on? closer, but not yet.

Is it either Sarah or Steve Newlin who don't see that by episode 6 Jason is going to be banging Sarah? This ain't a spoiler. I don't really know, but seriously, come on. It ain't them though.

It's Eric Northman, The Vampire Sheriff, who saved Sookie's life, and then asks for her help to find a vampire killer only to be insulted mercilessly by her and slapped in his face without doing or saying anything to her. Does he really need her mind reading abilities that much? I mean, Sookie treats him like crap and he can't so much as throw her across the room? I think he is a fool for putting so much weight into her abilities, and for that he is the third episodes Biggest Sucker.

True Blood: The Biggest Sucker, episode 2

I have been a bit behind on this. I know you guys are champing at the bit to find out who i think is the biggest sucker from the most recent episode of True Blood. And now two episodes have gone by that I haven't commented on, so I am going to do this quickly. Who is Episode 2's Biggest Sucker:

Is it Luke, Jason Stackhouse's All-American football bunk mate who he meets on a bus and thinks that following the Light of Day Institute is more worthwhile than being a professional football player (something he could never be anyway because injuries ended the pursuit)? or that he thinks he is actually going to beat out our golden boy Jason for the favor of the church leaders? Nope

Is it Eggs, Tara's impending boyfriend who doesn't grow the least bit suspicious of Maryann and her weird ways despite being at the house for longer than Tara, ad despite the fact that Tara is already growing hip to the oddities? Nah

Is it Sam Merlotte who hires Daphne, the most incompetent waitress ever and sticks with her although the introduction of someone new in this small town almost always spells trouble? hardly.

Is it Lafayette who thought that he could escape the vampires den by trying to seduce a piece of white trash into letting him out and then selling his soul to Eric and Pam with the offer of turning him into a vampire instead of killing him? close, but not quite.

It's Sookie, who just a week earlier was able to glamor a vampire herself, Jessica, but allowed that same vampire to convince her that it was a good idea to drive her to her parent's house even though it is strictly forbidden by the vampire code, and knew full well Bill would have a conniption fit over it. For this she was the biggest sucker.

On another note, can any of my readers who watch this show, or anybody from the show who works on the script who is clearly an avid reader of my blog, tell me why can't the vampires stay awake during the day, but just black-out their windows? There hasn't been any explanation for this. They have only made clear that the sun will hurt them, but not that "staying up late" would. If anyone knows the answer to this, please let me know.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Monster Link Madness

The Critical Condition is rivaling my own True Blood round ups (The Biggest Sucker) with "Sucker Punch." Both are equally deserving of your attention if you love True Blood as we both apparently do. Damn you Mark Blankenship, just when I thought I had an original idea!

Over at Haunternet they discuss a young girl who went into a tattoo parlor to get three little stars tattooed on the side fo her face and the tattoo artist ended up tattooing her entire face with stars. Now she's upset. How did she miss what was happening?

Asylum.com has the legendary Suicide Girls posing for scary but sexy horror themed shots. These gals have been doing it for awhile, but this smacks of the Haunternet Girls

Happy Horror does a special Father's Day round-up of the Stepfather films (the first one you still can't get on DVD. What's up with that?)

Everyone's favorite horror photographer, Joshua Hoffine is now selling his most iconic photo of all - the monster underneath the bed, entitled "BED" for only $20!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

True Blood: The Biggest Sucker Episode 1

So in discussing what is one of my favorite television shows each week, True Blood on HBO, I am going to find the "Biggest Sucker" because the show prides itself on someone doing something so completely clueless and stupid that it helps moves the story along. And because it is set in Louisiana.

This, the first week of season 2, had many candidates, but let me get one thing out to the way first - It was amazing. It picked up right where it left off and did not disappoint. And Anna Paquin (Sookie Stackhouse) got her boldest ever with the nakedness in an extended nude scene which I was surprised about a bit. It was refreshing, however, after considering what Mary Louise Parker has been saying about feeling bad about taking off her clothes for "Weeds." It made me feel like she was comfortable with her decisions last year and felt like it made sense to do so. And it was a pretty hot sex scene. I can say this because my wife thinks Bill is hot.

But who is the sucker? You could say it was Tara (Rutina Wesley), Sookie's hot-headed best friend, and once Sam Merlotte (Sam Trammell) paramour. After falling for the demon exorcist last season (who winds up murdered in this season opener) you would think she would see the obvious signs that her new guardian and protector Maryann (played by Michelle Forbes) is a little wacky. I am not sure how she can rationalize someone being so incredibly nice and generous to her for no apparent reason and who she has never met before and is a creepy milf, but she does and she is ultimately going to be proven a sucker for doing so. But not yet.

It could be Sam Merlotte who foolishly thinks that Sookie would ever choose him over the super sexy vampire, Bill (played by me, Timothy Haskell*). I mean, he is kind of pathetic with his pursuit and his morphing into a little doggy just isn't that badass. And then there's the always waking up places showing tons of ass. Not as cool as being a suave, powerful ass-kicking blood-sucker. He is always like this, but his nomination for this episode is due to his piquant forlornness over losing Sookie at the end of last season to a crispy Bill once he finally thought he had his paws completely around her. He didn't, and now he looks like a true sucker. But it ain't him, either.

This week I am going with Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten), for all the reasons. He's a complete jackass always, but as far as I am concerned, religious people are already suckers, to be a born-again you're a full grown lollipop, and to fall into a a christian cult, well then you are one of those root beer flavored suckers that everyone thinks is chocolate at first and then they lick it and then throw it out. And that is Jason Stackhouse. He is joining the Fellowship of the Sun "church", a church that's central premise is to hate on vampires. Who cares. They ain't really real. But then again, neither is Jason Stackhouse. I guess I'm the sucker.

* not even close to true...blood.

What's Going On With Nightmare?

Well, let me tell you. We are in the middle of deciding on a venue for this year's event. We have been looking around extensively for a new home while also negotiating with the venue we have been using for the past 5 years in the lower east side. We are keeping all options open right now and are going to go with the one that fits city regulations the best, comes at the fairest deal, has management that we can deal, and maybe most importantly, fits the ethos of our haunted house the most. We currently have several good options that fit those bills. We should know where we are doing it this year with certainty within the next couple of weeks. It may be where we have always done it, it may not be.

Next, last year there was some grief we received for having a SAW room in our smaller house. Well this year there isn't going to be a smaller house (we are doing one very big house and a black magic show that you sit and watch as a performance called Nightmare 666), and I would never sell out the main event in that way. But Lionsgate is interested in working with us again, but at a larger price tag. I saw that as an opportunity to create an amazing lobby installation that everyone could enjoy for FREE in addition to the other events. What I came up with is pretty fun and will start your evening off with a bang right from the minute you walk into the venue. I drafted the designs and sent off the proposal today. It's obviously SAW themed, and I think it is beneficial to us as well as to them in creating a memorable, indelible state-of-the-art scare that everyone has to experience.

Next, the house is now designed. Nightmare: Vampires is going to blow you away. For the first time ever it is fully immersive. We have talked in the past about the house having a beginning, middle and an end, but this is truer to that than ever before. You will truly be taking part in a new vampire story where everything leads to the next thing as you not only are witnessing a new vampire legend being created, you are part of it. You are a character in this live horror movie and that is something that Edward Cullen guy could never offer you. You'll see some vamps from movies, books and television, and historical vampires and ones from around the world, but most importantly we are creating a new vampire legend the likes you are not expecting.

And that's it for now. sound cool?

Friday, June 12, 2009

Correction: Vampire Museum is Not The First

Okay, oops. I was recently informed that our story on May 21st about the first vampire museum in the country was wrong. Here is a note that I received:

"You know, of course, that Dr. Jeanne Youngson, president & founder of THE VAMPIRE EMPIRE created and curated a Dracula Museum at No.1 5th Avenue from 1990 through 2001. The museum contained the largest collection of Dracula and vampire-related material in the world. Nearly ten thousand people visited the museum through the years. The collection was purchased near the beginning of this century by a theatre complex in Vienna, Austria, to be shown in tandem with Roman Polanski's vampire play.

Sincerely yours,
Ann M. Hart, Secretary

So I stand corrected, and I apologize to this museum for the oversight. I am the worst person on the planet.

Brianna Frost Haunternet Video

My national haunted house directory and horror website haunternet.com has a "Girls" section which are galleries of sexy girls having horrible things happen to them or are doing something wicked (usually this one). You can check out the website to see the galleries, but i am including this video of the last shoot because there are interviews of me in it. And since this is my blog, you can suck it.

Enjoy. Especially the parts where it goes away from a barely clad woman to me talking.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Don't Mess With Me

This isn't horror at all, and it is personal, which I am generally going to stray away from on this blog; keep it haunted house and industry related. Aside from this being super cute, i can make an argument for it being horror related because in this video my son makes it clear that I can move trains, walls, large rocks, etc. I am no joke. I wouldn't mess with that guy he is describing. In a dark alley I would be your nightmare. ok, that's enough.

Monday, June 8, 2009


John Harlacher, the director of this year's Nightmare in NYC, sent me this link to an article (one by someone who has never heard of spell check) about how vampires are real, but not in the way that Twilight depicts them. They are real in the way that there are people who fit the afflictions of a vampire from back in the day. Not the Anne Rice variety, but more of the Eastern European ilk. This is actually the direction we are going in the haunted house this year. I am not going with fantastical, supernatural vampires but rather the kind of people that others called vampires but were just people who had rabies, etc., or this rare genetic disease called porphyria.

Porphria is a rare hereditary disease in which the blood pigment hemoglobin is abnormally metabolized. Porphyrins are excreted in the urine, which becomes dark; other symptoms include mental disturbances and extreme sensitivity of the skin to light.