Tuesday, July 21, 2009

True Blood: The Biggest Sucker, Episode 5

Hey, what has it been since my last biggest sucker posting? 26 minutes ago? less? Jeez, it seems like forever ago. So it is about time I caught up with episode 5. Who was the biggest sucker? Let's read on and find out, shall we? (I am starting to think the biggest sucker is you again for reading this. Awwww, i feel sorry for myself. adorable):

Ok, so the creepy blond jesus freak finally hooked up with Jason. She gave him a handjob in the bathtub. He knew it was a bad idea, but seriously folks, what was he supposed to do? It's on her, she's the married one. This does open up a whole can of worms that is going to end badly. You can say he is a sucker for getting himself in a whole heap of trouble for an HJ, but when something like that happens you just aren't thinking about whether her husband is going to shoot you in the face with one of the bazookas in his basement. It wasn't a good move, but it doesn't make him the biggest sucker.

Is it Sookie for aggressively pursuing this vampire killer hunt even though Bill keeps on warning her about how dangerous it is, and yet she keeps diving in head first with aplomb? Actually, maybe. She never seems to care about getting hurt. She seems to think it can't happen. Like when she slapped that Aryan vampire Eric, or walked away from Bill's car in the middle of the night and then got sliced and diced by the chupacabra. She is naive, but more of a hard candy than a straight up sucker.

Is it that mind reading bellhop (those still exist?) that Sookie met at the vampire hotel who kept on blowing her off about the whole mind reading thing? Why does that make him a sucker? It doesn't, but what does is he quit his job because a guest was annoying him (Sookie). A guest that was only going to be there a couple of more days anyway. Why would someone do that? I mean, shit, call in sick until she leaves. I love it on TV shows and movies where people make extreme decisions like that because in their world an episode is an eternity, but in the real world we were really talking about him enduring a couple of times over a few days he was scheduled to work. But I guess that just makes him dumb, not a sucker.

Was it that crazy Vietnam vet dude who talks like sling blade? You know, the one that cooks in the kitchen at the only restaurant in rural Louisiana? Why? because he hooked up with Arlene, that fake red-headed waitress who is married to the guy that plays Benjamin Linus on Lost. why does that make him a sucker? Well, aside from her enormous baggage (her fiancee just murdered a bunch of people then got killed) and how annoying she is, she is mad gross. sorry. a sucker yes, but I guess he is no prize either, so not the biggest sucker.

Fine, it was Tara. I've been riding her about this whole Maryann thing for awhile, but never giving her the biggest sucker award. Now she is. Maryann took up residents at her new house, "assumed" it would be okay if she moved in, and Tara got all flustered and let her. Well, not right away, but she did after Maryann did some hocus pocus on everyone at the bar so that they were yelling at her and I guess that is enough for a fragile spirit like Tara to say, "you know, these people are yelling at me about Tabasco sauce and sidework. You know who doesn't yell at me about Tabasco sauce and sidework? That Maryann. I am going to let her move herself and her three friends into the house that ain't even mine." Yeah I get it. Sucker.

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