Tuesday, July 21, 2009

True Blood: The Biggest Sucker, Episode 4 For Real

Ok, as I am wont to do, i dropped the ball in telling you, you salivating ne'er-do-wells who I know hang on my every word, who I thought was the biggest sucker from the most recent episode of "True Blood". Having just aired episode 5, telling you about episode four is probably a bit anticlimactic. But for those of you who get nostalgic about things that happened a week ago...

Is it Steve Newlin whose wife clearly wants to cuckold him, and rumors suggest she has in the past, with Jason Stackhouse? I am particularly tickled when she left her room to come to his wearing a nightie and lingers for a few minutes making small talk before she goes back to her room. I told my wife when that happened that if we ever had a male stranger sleeping in our guest bedroom, and she left our room for a second wearing next to nothing and then came back ten minutes later I would certainly be like, "hey there honey, uh, where the fuck were you just now? I didn't hear the toilet flush, and I could actually hear you talking to that guy because it is two doors down and we as of yet have not turned our house into a sound proof recording studio." And then there would be some trouble. So i guess that douche is a pretty big sucker, but he ain't it. This week.

Is it Tara for allowing Maryann to throw a huge party at the house that she moved into a couple of hours earlier without talking to her new roommate (Sookie) first? Nah, I guess if she hasn't figured out Maryann is bad news by now she is the sucker for the season, but I can't speculate on that yet. I think things will eventually come to a head between those two.

Is it that limo driver who was sent to abduct Sookie even though her vampire protectors were like 10 feet away? The people who sent him made a sucker out of him, and Jessica made a further fool out of him by practicing her glamouring skills and making him say and do stupid shit, but he is too inconsequential to be this week's sucker. I don't even remember if he had a character name for god's sake. Although, i bet that actor was stoked when he got the gig. He TiVo'ed the shit out of it, burned it on to a bunch of DVD's and then sent it to some bigwig agents with a note attached saying, "thought you'd like to see me on last week's episode of 'True Blood'" and then some assistant thought to herself, "funny, I don't," and then threw it in the garbage.

I am going with Sam Merlotte. You want to talk about trouble, Daphne has it written all over her. Yet he's going for it. Poor sap, he is the nice guy finishing last, but why i think he is truly a sucker is he is too sheepish to ask Daphne why she has a 2 foot gash on her back. Aren't you all wondering why he hasn't mentioned it yet? I guess he doesn't want to upset her, but that thing looks fresh. I think I'd be all, "hey, are you losing blood? maybe you should get that open wound on your back stitched up. It's not that i don't think you're hot, I do, I just think you might die."

so he is headed down the wrong path, making Sam Merlotte, once again, our biggest sucker.

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